In a vain attempt to limit the damage of my endless scoffing I have signed up to a Cancer Research UK Race For Life in July. I absolutely can NOT diet. It is just not possible for me to deny myself anything, I'm certain that if I was to say "Mellon you are not allowed to eat toenails from now on" that I would then crave toenails to the extent of bingeing on them until I was sick and then hiding the packaging so that my gluttony would not be discovered!! In light of my complete inability to curb my enthusiasm for food I have decided the only way I am ever going to reach the pinnacle of yummy mummyness will have to involve some kind of exercise.
So last night the unthinkable has happened and I joined an exercise club. A running club to be exact, well club may be slightly over egging it as there was a grand total of 3 people, including my good self. Apparently there is usually 5 whole people in this club plus a trainer from the gym but for one reason or another there was just the 3 of us. I was extremely nervous about going, and although they seemed friendly the very fact that they were discussing something called "the black mountain 25" coupled with their choice attire of running "tights" (is there a more disturbing item of clothing?!) had me more than a little suspicious.
The leader of the gang was describing the route they were planning to take. I nodded politely in a "I know where you're talking about" fashion while thinking, that sounds like a hell of a lot of roads; perhaps they are short, cul-de-sac type roads.... I was reassured to hear that tonight was a gentle night as it was a birthday run. Feeling unsure what a birthday run might entail, but hoping that disturbing as they may be the running tights stay in place I set off! Not sure if the definition of "gentle" has changed in the last 6 months without my knowledge but I felt fairly sure that Usain Bolt would have struggled to keep pace with us while we "jogged" up what was basically Everest's twin!!!! The lovely gents I was running with were very enthusiastic and encouraging, chatting away to me and telling me how they both started running. I tried to respond, you know chat away, make friends, be pleasant but unfortunately my lungs were desperately trying to leave my body directly through my ribcage so I was unable to reveal my sparkling personality and witty repartee...
As we neared the top of Everest I had to stop and walk, I simply could not breath any longer! I persuaded the gents to jog on ahead of me as I felt terrible for holding them up, especially after one of them told me that the only problem with running club was that it doesn't cater for different levels so you get beginners with elite runners and it difficult for everyone to get a good session. They were very lovely though, running on ahead and then jogging back to me and I felt a little like the owner of two Labradors playing fetch!
I managed to convince the old pins that we could pick up the pace again and decided that this time I would run at my own speed and that the boys would just have to keep coming back for me, surely that's better for them anyway - doubling the distance they're covering?!!! I was feeling pretty happy plodding along and noticed ahead of me that they had stopped to talk to a lady jogger; she turned out to be one of the other regulars who had got home late from work and run to catch us up. She said she couldn't miss out on a birthday jog, feeling rather apprehensive now about what this birthday jog may involve we continued when suddenly they jogged into a pub!!! Yes a PUB! Brilliant! A birthday jog involves stopping off for a cheeky pint!!! Now, this is the sort of exercise club I could become very fond of!
The guys had a pint, other lady had a half and I had...a glass of water!!! I was VERY aware that my face could have melted the ice caps and that my hair resembled something akin to Worzel Gummidge but the club were so friendly and lovely that I really enjoyed sitting and getting to know them. We discussed my fitness and they reassured me that I'd be surprised how quickly I will improve all I need to do is go out 4 or 5 times a week. Hmmmm 4 or 5 times a week right, I was thinking 3 times max. When I said this one of the guys said, yeah 3 times is OK to start with but 4/5 times would be better, you only need to go out for half an hour... Obviously he doesn't have children and therefore has no idea just how long it takes us to actually leave the house. To go through all that effort, energy and hard work to only be out for half an hour would just be a total waste of a morning's work!!!!!!
Once we'd finished our drinks I was ready to whip out the local taxi number when one of the boys said "come on then, halfway there"... pardon? halfway there? halfway where?!!!! Ohhhhhh Lord you want me to start running again, is there something wrong with you? Luckily the terrain was either flat or down hill so I managed to keep up with my new found fitness buds and we were back in town in no time!
All in all I really enjoyed my session with my new friends and I'm pretty sure I shall be going out with them again next week. Watch out Paula Radcliffe...
Thursday, 17 February 2011
Thursday, 10 February 2011
January - an update
So far this month I have NOT
a) been doing my pelvic floor exercises
b) blogged more often - you may have picked up on that one
c) eaten less chocolate or cheese or drunk less coffee
d) filed any post and in fact I found a letter shoved at the back of a drawer yesterday on which I had written "urgent, deal with this, do not ignore"!!!
So far this month I HAVE
a) Got so completely and utterly hammered at The Noo's birthday party that I had to be taken home! When I did get home I just headed up to bed and got in - fully dressed, including boots. Poor husband had to disrobe me and not in a sexy weyhey manner but in a wrestling a wet watermelon manner, especially when he got to the tights removal stage! The next day I was a sure fire winner of Kerry Katona's "mother of the year" award as I was sooooo horribly hungover I couldn't even pick the boy up due to the sickiness, the spinniness and the shakes. My lovely wonderful baldy looked after our gorgeous boy all day, and let me go back to bed to sleep off the vino. What a disgrace!!
b) Finally cashed the boy's Child Trust Fund cheque. The man in the bank obviously thought I was a complete and total fraud as I couldn't remember my previous address, or any details of any other financial dealing we have (no, I don't know what type of mortgage we have, or when the insurance is due or whether or not our life assurance has "family protection". Yes, I know I should know all of this) and when I told him I was a teacher he asked which school and unfortunately I had to then explain that actually I've only done my degree and haven't actually done any actual teaching in an actual school yet!! So all in all, I was there for an hour and probably answered 2 questions accurately - my name, the boy's name, both of which were written down on the letter from the government anyway!!
c) Introduced myself to my new neighbours. I popped round with some home made shortbread and when they invited me in (how friendly) the little girl took out one of my biscuits, took a bite, pulled a face and then put it back into the tin! Haven't seen them since......
So, we are drawing a line under January and marking it up to some kind of New Year blip. February, that's where the action is, February, that's where real people take up New Year challenges, just as all those others are wimping out of theirs. February, yes February! It's the new January - everyone knows that!!!! Yes, yes, I realise we're ever so slightly half way through February but as they say - better late than never!
a) been doing my pelvic floor exercises
b) blogged more often - you may have picked up on that one
c) eaten less chocolate or cheese or drunk less coffee
d) filed any post and in fact I found a letter shoved at the back of a drawer yesterday on which I had written "urgent, deal with this, do not ignore"!!!
So far this month I HAVE
a) Got so completely and utterly hammered at The Noo's birthday party that I had to be taken home! When I did get home I just headed up to bed and got in - fully dressed, including boots. Poor husband had to disrobe me and not in a sexy weyhey manner but in a wrestling a wet watermelon manner, especially when he got to the tights removal stage! The next day I was a sure fire winner of Kerry Katona's "mother of the year" award as I was sooooo horribly hungover I couldn't even pick the boy up due to the sickiness, the spinniness and the shakes. My lovely wonderful baldy looked after our gorgeous boy all day, and let me go back to bed to sleep off the vino. What a disgrace!!
b) Finally cashed the boy's Child Trust Fund cheque. The man in the bank obviously thought I was a complete and total fraud as I couldn't remember my previous address, or any details of any other financial dealing we have (no, I don't know what type of mortgage we have, or when the insurance is due or whether or not our life assurance has "family protection". Yes, I know I should know all of this) and when I told him I was a teacher he asked which school and unfortunately I had to then explain that actually I've only done my degree and haven't actually done any actual teaching in an actual school yet!! So all in all, I was there for an hour and probably answered 2 questions accurately - my name, the boy's name, both of which were written down on the letter from the government anyway!!
c) Introduced myself to my new neighbours. I popped round with some home made shortbread and when they invited me in (how friendly) the little girl took out one of my biscuits, took a bite, pulled a face and then put it back into the tin! Haven't seen them since......
So, we are drawing a line under January and marking it up to some kind of New Year blip. February, that's where the action is, February, that's where real people take up New Year challenges, just as all those others are wimping out of theirs. February, yes February! It's the new January - everyone knows that!!!! Yes, yes, I realise we're ever so slightly half way through February but as they say - better late than never!
Sunday, 2 January 2011
New Years Resolutions
1) I will not use wanting another baby as an excuse to slob about and eat chocolates
2) I will leave the house every day, even if it's just to go to Sainsbury's (where I will NOT buy chocolate)
3) I will not get cross with my baldy when he's being a plonker and will instead remember that I love him and that he is wonderful
4) I will eat less cheese
5) I will eat less
6) I will not laze about in a slutty manner wearing trackie dacs and watching crappy daytime TV but will instead make an effort with self
7) I will blog more often
8) I will be better at staying in touch with friends and actually call people rather than sending them a text/email/facebook message saying sorry I haven't called!
9) I will become organised; filling post and paper properly rather than piling it up and losing everything!
10) I will attempt to reduce the number of coffees a day back into single digits
11) I will do my pelvic floor exercises twice a day as instructed by the midwife. I will NOT become a Tena Lady!
2) I will leave the house every day, even if it's just to go to Sainsbury's (where I will NOT buy chocolate)
3) I will not get cross with my baldy when he's being a plonker and will instead remember that I love him and that he is wonderful
4) I will eat less cheese
5) I will eat less
6) I will not laze about in a slutty manner wearing trackie dacs and watching crappy daytime TV but will instead make an effort with self
7) I will blog more often
8) I will be better at staying in touch with friends and actually call people rather than sending them a text/email/facebook message saying sorry I haven't called!
9) I will become organised; filling post and paper properly rather than piling it up and losing everything!
10) I will attempt to reduce the number of coffees a day back into single digits
11) I will do my pelvic floor exercises twice a day as instructed by the midwife. I will NOT become a Tena Lady!
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Beautiful Bouncing Baby Boy!
I just have to share this with you; my gorgeous boy enjoying a fantastic prezzie from his Auntie. Love him!!
Please excuse the inane chatter from me!
Please excuse the inane chatter from me!
Saturday, 27 November 2010
Too hot to breathe!
While most of the country is feeling the chill and reaching for a hot water bottle I'm sitting here wishing I had my bikini to hand!!! I'm back visiting the gorgeous in laws who don't seem to be at all concerned about Global Warming, in fact I think they may be singlehandedly responsible for the melting icecaps!!!!
They have a remote control central heating system with a portable thermostat designed to reduce bills by switching off as soon as the room you're in reaches the desired temperature... However it doesn't quite work like that here: the remote system is left in the kitchen - where there is no radiator - because "it turns off within minutes otherwise" Hmmmmm that might be because the rest of the house is like a sauna!!!! They want the heating on until half 8 no matter how ridiculously hot it gets! The boy is asleep upstairs with the window open because it's SO warm and I'm thinking of going up to bed to join him because sitting in the front room is like sitting on the sun!!
Can't type anymore; my fingers are sweating!!!!
They have a remote control central heating system with a portable thermostat designed to reduce bills by switching off as soon as the room you're in reaches the desired temperature... However it doesn't quite work like that here: the remote system is left in the kitchen - where there is no radiator - because "it turns off within minutes otherwise" Hmmmmm that might be because the rest of the house is like a sauna!!!! They want the heating on until half 8 no matter how ridiculously hot it gets! The boy is asleep upstairs with the window open because it's SO warm and I'm thinking of going up to bed to join him because sitting in the front room is like sitting on the sun!!
Can't type anymore; my fingers are sweating!!!!
Thursday, 18 November 2010
This one's for you Tina!
Thank you to everyone for all your lovely texts, emails, kind words, hugs and most of all for your support!! I feel very very loved and have had a really superb couple of weeks with my two baldies.
I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while; don't worry I haven't been drowning I despair I've been feeling much MUCH happier and have just been busy having a lovely lovely couple of weeks with my gorgeous baldies!
Will speak properly soon, and thank you all so much again xxxx
I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while; don't worry I haven't been drowning I despair I've been feeling much MUCH happier and have just been busy having a lovely lovely couple of weeks with my gorgeous baldies!
Will speak properly soon, and thank you all so much again xxxx
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Wobble
I don't know if I'll post this, but I feel like I need to get it out of my head before it explodes! I feel terrible writing this as I have friends who are going through some really testing times and I'm just having a wobbly day.
For the record I love my son and I love being a mum more than anything, but I find it the hardest thing I have ever done. There are days when I just want to sit and cry and unfortunately today is one of them. He is such a good boy and has been brilliant today but I feel like the worst mum in history and that I'm doing such an utterly crap job it's a miracle he is so good!!
We went to dinner last Sunday with some friends I've known for 15 odd years and they were saying that parenthood hadn't changed me at all and that I'm still laid back and taking it all in my stride. I find this amazing; I can't believe they think this - it's certainly not how I feel! When I asked the baldy he agreed that I'm laid back and have it all under control - or at least appear to! I am astounded that someone who knows me so well doesn't see the cracks, the fake smile and the forced cheerfulness!! Some days I'm counting the minutes until bed time, that is just awful I'm supposed to cherish every moment with my gorgeous baby and all I want him to do is go to sleep - usually so that I can!!!! I have no clue what his routine is and while I do not want to be as inflexible as Gina Ford it would be nice to have a bit of structure to the day. Just when I think I know what the boy wants to do - when(ish) he wants his feeds and his sleeps - it all goes to pot and the tiny bit of confidence I was beginning to have collapses and I'm back to square one; confused and without a clue!!!! It makes me feel so hopeless and inadequate! I don't know what my own son wants, I just can't work him out. Hubby says that I'm doing a great job and if I wasn't then the little man wouldn't be so happy and smiley but I can't help feeling I could be doing more and going it better. I'm certain the baldy wouldn't say I'm doing a good job if he could see what was inside my head, if he knew how false my smile is and how I have to force myself to be cheerful and happy with our beautiful little man. I'm not saying I ever want to hurt the baby, certainly not - in fact the thought that some people abuse babies when they are so completely dependent on their carers makes me so upset. Babies are so immediately loving and trustful and to use that against them is truly evil. Anyway, I digress.
On my wobbly days I have to smile and be cheerful so the little man doesn't think I'm unhappy because of him which I am not I love him so so so much but being a mum is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it's made more difficult by not having anyone around to tell you HOW to do it, or even not have the person making demands on you be able to vocalise what they want and instead you play this 'guess what's wrong' game which you feel that you're inevitably going to fail and all the while there is this underlying feeling of guilt that you are doing a terrible job and making life lasting mistakes which is going to end up with your perfect baby appearing on Jeremy Kyle!!!!!! I cant really explain how something which makes you so utterly happy can also make you feel so rubbish! I want my boy to have the best of everything and I'm just not convinced some days that I am the best of mums!
Like I say, today is a wobbly day. It has been building for weeks and I don't feel like this every day but there are days when I DO feel like this and I think it's about time that someone tells the truth and puts a stop to this myth that motherhood is something people come to naturally and is somehow an eternally joyful experience. It IS the best, most rewarding and important job you'll ever have, but it is also the hardest, most undervalued and under appreciated role anyone will ever have!
Gosh, that was a bit of a tirade and I hope I haven't given anyone the wrong impression. I do adore being a mum and I love my boy SOOOOO much and I'd say 80% of the time I feel fantastic, happy and full of beans but then I get a day like today and it feels like it all falls apart. Writing this has made me feel so much better; it's important to get these things off your chest otherwise they fester and then you'll end up in the nut house!!!
Enough self pity from me. Good night x
For the record I love my son and I love being a mum more than anything, but I find it the hardest thing I have ever done. There are days when I just want to sit and cry and unfortunately today is one of them. He is such a good boy and has been brilliant today but I feel like the worst mum in history and that I'm doing such an utterly crap job it's a miracle he is so good!!
We went to dinner last Sunday with some friends I've known for 15 odd years and they were saying that parenthood hadn't changed me at all and that I'm still laid back and taking it all in my stride. I find this amazing; I can't believe they think this - it's certainly not how I feel! When I asked the baldy he agreed that I'm laid back and have it all under control - or at least appear to! I am astounded that someone who knows me so well doesn't see the cracks, the fake smile and the forced cheerfulness!! Some days I'm counting the minutes until bed time, that is just awful I'm supposed to cherish every moment with my gorgeous baby and all I want him to do is go to sleep - usually so that I can!!!! I have no clue what his routine is and while I do not want to be as inflexible as Gina Ford it would be nice to have a bit of structure to the day. Just when I think I know what the boy wants to do - when(ish) he wants his feeds and his sleeps - it all goes to pot and the tiny bit of confidence I was beginning to have collapses and I'm back to square one; confused and without a clue!!!! It makes me feel so hopeless and inadequate! I don't know what my own son wants, I just can't work him out. Hubby says that I'm doing a great job and if I wasn't then the little man wouldn't be so happy and smiley but I can't help feeling I could be doing more and going it better. I'm certain the baldy wouldn't say I'm doing a good job if he could see what was inside my head, if he knew how false my smile is and how I have to force myself to be cheerful and happy with our beautiful little man. I'm not saying I ever want to hurt the baby, certainly not - in fact the thought that some people abuse babies when they are so completely dependent on their carers makes me so upset. Babies are so immediately loving and trustful and to use that against them is truly evil. Anyway, I digress.
On my wobbly days I have to smile and be cheerful so the little man doesn't think I'm unhappy because of him which I am not I love him so so so much but being a mum is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it's made more difficult by not having anyone around to tell you HOW to do it, or even not have the person making demands on you be able to vocalise what they want and instead you play this 'guess what's wrong' game which you feel that you're inevitably going to fail and all the while there is this underlying feeling of guilt that you are doing a terrible job and making life lasting mistakes which is going to end up with your perfect baby appearing on Jeremy Kyle!!!!!! I cant really explain how something which makes you so utterly happy can also make you feel so rubbish! I want my boy to have the best of everything and I'm just not convinced some days that I am the best of mums!
Like I say, today is a wobbly day. It has been building for weeks and I don't feel like this every day but there are days when I DO feel like this and I think it's about time that someone tells the truth and puts a stop to this myth that motherhood is something people come to naturally and is somehow an eternally joyful experience. It IS the best, most rewarding and important job you'll ever have, but it is also the hardest, most undervalued and under appreciated role anyone will ever have!
Gosh, that was a bit of a tirade and I hope I haven't given anyone the wrong impression. I do adore being a mum and I love my boy SOOOOO much and I'd say 80% of the time I feel fantastic, happy and full of beans but then I get a day like today and it feels like it all falls apart. Writing this has made me feel so much better; it's important to get these things off your chest otherwise they fester and then you'll end up in the nut house!!!
Enough self pity from me. Good night x
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