Girls just love to shop!

In this time of recession and economic gloom you would think that retailers will be doing their up most to keep us customers happy... Not if this weekend is anything to go by!!!

I went to a well know car/bike store to purchase the boy a helmet so that we could enjoy mother and son cycle sessions in safety. Firstly the bike section is upstairs and the helpful man at the number plate desk simply grunted when I asked if there was such a thing as a lift, begrudgingly he offered to help me carry the pram up as long as it wasn't too heavy. This offer was made in a rather sceptical tone while he eyed my beautiful boys pudgy arms, chubby cheeks and well covered frame! I declined, instead suggesting that I could leave the pram at his desk and simply take the little man with me. He consented to this scheme, stipulating that I leave it at my own risk and he is not responsible should anything go missing or if it needs to be removed for security reasons (not sure how the nation's security could be threatened by a biscuit covered 3 wheeler but I'm no expert!!)

Off we went, feeling slightly subdued by our encounter with number plate man but no less excited about our purchase... The prepubescent school child who offered to help (well, not quite offered, more deigned to finish his chat and look at me after my distinct throat clearing) took one look at my baby, my gorgeous, cute as a button, charming, smiling, happy, beautiful boy and said, "he's got a big head for a baby hasn't he?!" erm... NO!!!

He then took a helmet and just plonked it on top of my cherub and proceeded to do the straps up. My little man was happily letting him do this, no fussing, no trying to pull the helmet off, just passively letting this youth fit him with a bike helmet. It was at this moment that I noticed the teens fingers were absolutely covered in oil and grime and I wondered when this grubby oik last washed his hands before touching my boys over sized head!!!! Little did I know that more compliments where on their way - after struggling to adjust the straps and having already commented on the size of my boy's bonce this so called assistant said "you'll have to adjust the straps because he's got such a small face" so my son's hideous deformities are not confined to his elephantine head but this is complimented, and no doubt enhanced by a freakishly small and minute face!! The whole conversation was then rounded off by the teenager saying "last child I did a helmet for screamed it's head off!" I'm not surprised!!!!!!

The shopping fun continued when I lost my mind and went to the next sale. Thankfully the children's department was a ghost ship, clearly due to bargain crazed mothers rising at the crack of dawn to purchase half price t-shirts! Personally I think it is a crime against sanity to be awake while your child is sleeping and it's certainly something that does NOT happen in the Mellon household!

I then took my mother in law to the Marks and Spencer sale, not as awful as the next sale but still pretty hideous. Why oh why is every sale like a jumble sale? I know that the clothes are discounted but why does that mean they can't be displayed in an attractive way? Mother in law wasn't as uptight about the shop's appearance as I was and found a lovely dress to purchase, fantastic! What was not fantastic was father in laws comment when we got home... He observed that the dress MIL had purchased was very similar in style and appearance to a frock that I own!!!

Hmmm...So all in all this weekend I have discovered that not only do I have a son with an 'interesting' head/face combo but I also have the fashion sense of an 85 year old!!!! What a lucky man hubby is!!!

One too many???

Saturday night husband and I went out for the evening... TOGETHER!!!! We were off to a proper pub, with no wacky warehouse facility, followed by a curry and lots of grown up chat so plenty to look forward to!

Nanny Mac kindly agreed to come and keep an eye on the boy wonder.  We'd had a busy day entertaining so I assured her it wouldn't be a late one and we were more than likely to be home well before midnight - especially as we rarely make it past 9pm these days.

Unfortunately I lost paper scissor stone and had to drive, but still it was a night out and I was excited to not be "mummy" for a few hours. 7 o'clock and the baby was snoozing, Mac had settled in, we were glammed and ready to go. Met everyone in the pub and despite me drinking tonic water while husband was on the beer we were having a top night!  By 9 I was very aware that a) it was approaching bed time, b) I hadn't had any dinner yet and c) husband also hadn't had any dinner but had had several pints!!! I initiated a brief discussion on the best time to go for the curry, suggesting we leave within the next 30 seconds, and was horrified to hear that 10 o'clock was the groups preferred time - 10 o'clock????? What kind of crazy talk is that? I'm normally tucked up in bed well on my way to snoozville by 10 o'clock!

Knowing our curry was going to be more midnight feast than dinner dinner batman I worried that we may not be back at our aforementioned early hour... In fact we didn't make it back until 1.30am!!!!! Lordy! Husband was happily tipsy and I'd had my allowed single glass of vino, all in all it was a wonderful evening and a lot of fun but Nanny wasnt too impressed we'd broken curfew in such a spectacular way!

Sadly the next day was not a lot of fun.. It was daddy's turn to get up with the little man and I very much enjoyed the extra hour in bed. When I did, eventually, emerge from my cozy slumber it came to my attention that my single glass of wine had resulted in a hangover. How can that be??? I only had one glass; ONE! I used to be able to drink gallons of plonk before suffering any ill effects. Becoming a lightweight is a very disappointing aspect of motherhood and one that I think can only be over come by never actually sobering up... Cheers!!

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Confession of a terrible mum

Last week the boy and I had caught a terrible dose of man flu, we were coughing, sneezing and feeling pretty rubbish all round.  He soldiered on with a smile, being the happy little camper he always is, albeit with a stream of glistening snot.  I however crumbled, brought to my knees by germs and self pity.  

On one particular day (I cannot be specific for legal reasons) the baby was still snotty but seemed a lot happier, however, I was basically dead so after lunch I gave him a nice big spoonful of calpol, a lovely bottle and plonked him into bed.  I have to admit he wasn't quite asleep, or even close to going to sleep, so I went up and gave him monkey (his new best friend) in the vain hope that they would entertain each other.  To begin with they were chatting away together, probably discussing when they should put a call into social services, but after a while (quite a while) it went reassuringly quite and then came the gentle lull of snot filled snoring.  

He slept that afternoon for a good 3 hours and I, mother of the year, sat on the sofa eating jaffa cakes and watching tennis.  Now, I ask you... what would supernanny say?????