Beautiful Bouncing Baby Boy!

I just have to share this with you; my gorgeous boy enjoying a fantastic prezzie from his Auntie.  Love him!!

Please excuse the inane chatter from me!

Too hot to breathe!

While most of the country is feeling the chill and reaching for a hot water bottle I'm sitting here wishing I had my bikini to hand!!! I'm back visiting the gorgeous in laws who don't seem to be at all concerned about Global Warming, in fact I think they may be singlehandedly responsible for the melting icecaps!!!!

They have a remote control central heating system with a portable thermostat designed to reduce bills by switching off as soon as the room you're in reaches the desired temperature... However it doesn't quite work like that here: the remote system is left in the kitchen - where there is no radiator - because "it turns off within minutes otherwise" Hmmmmm that might be because the rest of the house is like a sauna!!!! They want the heating on until half 8 no matter how ridiculously hot it gets! The boy is asleep upstairs with the window open because it's SO warm and I'm thinking of going up to bed to join him because sitting in the front room is like sitting on the sun!!

Can't type anymore; my fingers are sweating!!!!

This one's for you Tina!

Thank you to everyone for all your lovely texts, emails, kind words, hugs and most of all for your support!!  I feel very very loved and have had a really superb couple of weeks with my two baldies.

I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while; don't worry I haven't been drowning I despair I've been feeling much MUCH happier and have just been busy having a lovely lovely couple of weeks with my gorgeous baldies!

Will speak properly soon, and thank you all so much again xxxx

Wobble

I don't know if I'll post this, but I feel like I need to get it out of my head before it explodes! I feel terrible writing this as I have friends who are going through some really testing times and I'm just having a wobbly day.

For the record I love my son and I love being a mum more than anything, but I find it the hardest thing I have ever done. There are days when I just want to sit and cry and unfortunately today is one of them.  He is such a good boy and has been brilliant today but I feel like the worst mum in history and that I'm doing such an utterly crap job it's a miracle he is so good!!

We went to dinner last Sunday with some friends I've known for 15 odd years and they were saying that parenthood hadn't changed me at all and that I'm still laid back and taking it all in my stride. I find this amazing; I can't believe they think this - it's certainly not how I feel! When I asked the baldy he agreed that I'm laid back and have it all under control - or at least appear to!  I am astounded that someone who knows me so well doesn't see the cracks, the fake smile and the forced cheerfulness!!  Some days I'm counting the minutes until bed time, that is just awful I'm supposed to cherish every moment with my gorgeous baby and all I want him to do is go to sleep - usually so that I can!!!! I have no clue what his routine is and while I do not want to be as inflexible as Gina Ford it would be nice to have a bit of structure to the day. Just when I think I know what the boy wants to do - when(ish) he wants his feeds and his sleeps - it all goes to pot and the tiny bit of confidence I was beginning to have collapses and I'm back to square one; confused and without a clue!!!! It makes me feel so hopeless and inadequate! I don't know what my own son wants, I just can't work him out. Hubby says that I'm doing a great job and if I wasn't then the little man wouldn't be so happy and smiley but I can't help feeling I could be doing more and going it better. I'm certain the baldy wouldn't say I'm doing a good job if he could see what was inside my head, if he knew how false my smile is and how I have to force myself to be cheerful and happy with our beautiful little man.  I'm not saying I ever want to hurt the baby, certainly not - in fact the thought that some people abuse babies when they are so completely dependent on their carers makes me so upset.  Babies are so immediately loving and trustful and to use that against them is truly evil.  Anyway, I digress. 

On my wobbly days I have to smile and be cheerful so the little man doesn't think I'm unhappy because of him which I am not I love him so so so much but being a mum is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it's made more difficult by not having anyone around to tell you HOW to do it, or even not have the person making demands on you be able to vocalise what they want and instead you play this 'guess what's wrong' game which you feel that you're inevitably going to fail and all the while there is this underlying feeling of guilt that you are doing a terrible job and making life lasting mistakes which is going to end up with your perfect baby appearing on Jeremy Kyle!!!!!!  I cant really explain how something which makes you so utterly happy can also make you feel so rubbish!  I want my boy to have the best of everything and I'm just not convinced some days that I am the best of mums! 

Like I say, today is a wobbly day.  It has been building for weeks and I don't feel like this every day but there are days when I DO feel like this and I think it's about time that someone tells the truth and puts a stop to this myth that motherhood is something people come to naturally and is somehow an eternally joyful experience.  It IS the best, most rewarding and important job you'll ever have, but it is also the hardest, most undervalued and under appreciated role anyone will ever have! 

Gosh, that was a bit of a tirade and I hope I haven't given anyone the wrong impression.  I do adore being a mum and I love my boy SOOOOO much and I'd say 80% of the time I feel fantastic, happy and full of beans but then I get a day like today and it feels like it all falls apart.  Writing this has made me feel so much better; it's important to get these things off your chest otherwise they fester and then you'll end up in the nut house!!! 

Enough self pity from me.  Good night x 

A line has been drawn

_______________________________________

This morning I weighed myself and was appalled to see that I have gained a stone since the little man was brought into this world.  Scary, but not enough to stop me from ordering fries with my salad today - oh no, I was still in I'll start tomorrow land at lunch time.  That was soon to change however when I approached an innocent looking lady in order to get myself a poppy.  She was a lovely old dear, having a great day chatting to everyone and being generally charming - until I reached her when she morphed into an evil old cow bag who said "I won't pin you, I don't want your baby to come!"  I stared at her blankly, and looked over to the boy, then down to my (admittedly slightly bulging) tummy and realised with horror that she thought I was STILL pregnant, and not only pregnant but pregnant enough to have a noticeable - it's definitely pregnancy and not just lardiness - bump; that's like 6 months gone!!!!  OH MY LORDY LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Operation Fight the Flab has officially started: at 6 I'm off to Body Combat and I pledge to you my dear reader to do some form of exercise every day this week - I'll do 3 classes at the gym and plenty of walking.  I will eat healthily and there will be NO snacking!!   No Slacking, No Snacking that will be my mantra until this baby bump is gone!!!  There are 7 weeks until Christmas and I'm determined to be skinny minnie by then!  Watch this (disappearing) space!!! 

Home Sweet Home

Well, our Autumn holiday has been cut short and we are now back at Fork Towers.  No real reason for this except that going on holiday with a 3 month old is blinking hard work!!!!!!!  Of course the little man is perfection personified - it's his lunatic mother that is the issue!  Friday night we made our way down to Southampton and have enjoyed a fantastic weekend with the gorgeous Everalls; went to the Isle of Wight on Saturday, Sunday went into Pompey for lunch with the DelderBells and Mr G and all in all had a totally brilliant time!  Today however, it all went a bit wonky, I don't know why - the boy was up early which is never a good thing for his allergic to mornings mummy but I think the killer blow was the commencement of Ladies Week....  I just NEED to be home when that is going on for several reasons the main one being that I'm sooooooooooooo bloated that my jeans now look like jeggings!! 

So, we're now having a stay at home holiday which I am super excited about, I love my home; I love having all my stuff around me, I love being in my snugs by half past 6 and I REALLY love my massive bed!  Although I'm quite sad that all those lists have gone to waste :-(

We're all going on a autumn holiday...

Next week we are off on a grand tour of the south coast; I am so so SO excited about having a whole week with my two favourite baldies and about seeing all my lovely buddies.

There has been a frenzy of washing and ironing for a week now and I have a list that is approximately 93 miles long!! The list has several categories with headings, subheadings and footnotes I honestly don't think Napoloen was this organised when he decided to have a go at conquering Europe!!!!! The amount of stuff we're taking for mearly a week is utterly ridiculous and I think we may have to hire Pickfords to help us travel down the A34.

The above was written on Monday, it is now Friday and the smug, organised, capable feeling has dissipated and transformed itself into blind panic!!! The front room looks like some kind of jumble sale is taking place soon with piles of clothes, bedding, towels and other "essentials" haphazardly plonked about the place! The smallest person in the house has 4 different piles - day, night, washing, sleeping, not to mention the entire dinning room table which is groaning under the strain from the items listed under " just in case"!!!

The boot of the car already won't shut and we haven't yet put any suitcases or bags in there it only has the pram and the travel cot and it can't cope!!! Where's the rest of the stuff
going to go?

Instead of tackling this craziness head on, getting sorted and therefore feeling ready and able to go I am currently sitting in Cafe Nero drinking cappuccino and writing this in a state of denial and with the vain hope that somehow, despite myself, it'll all come together and we'll be ready to pick the baldy up from work at 4!!!!!! Just have another coffee then will get on..... Oh and a pain au choc......

Yum yum yummity YUM!!!!!

I've just made Peanut Satay 30 minute meal from the lovely Jamie Oliver and I have to say it was deeeeeeeeelicious!!  The Baldy bought me the book on Monday and I've been wanting to create a Michelin Star meal from it since.  Couldn't do it Monday as had had a nervous breakdown and therefore needed something mega easy - pasta and pesto, yesterday it was the mans turn to cook so we had fish finger sarnies and so tonight was the night... 

The boy and I went to Sainsburys to make sure we had all the right stuff and I've been so excited about making this dinner - how sad is that?!!  I love love love chicken satay and it's ace to have lovely straight forward and quick recipe for it.  Jamie (yes, we're on first name terms now) hasn't done this one on the box yet so the recipe isn't on the website yet but I can HIGHLY recommend it - it is super super easy and so scrummy I think it will certainly become a Forky Favourite. 

The pudding was pineapple which the Fork doesn't like and which I over indulged in when trying to induce labour so we opted for chocolate ice cream which, sadly, was not homemade.  Despite this small "cheat" I do believe my Domestic Goddessness is at an all time high!! 

Gotta love the fork!!!

After a bit of a tricky day with the boy my lovely baldy has come home with a present for me and has managed to get our little man smiling and having fun again!!!

Love love love him, now if only he could pick the winning lottery numbers....

How far is too far?!

I have just driven to Warwick services for a Starbucks!!!!! Actually the reason we're in the car is so that the little man doesn't end up in the front garden with a notice saying "free to a good home" pinned to his chest!!! I don't know what is up with his gorgeousness but he has been just impossible to please today; won't sleep, won't eat, won't have kickabout, won't go in his bouncy chair, won't be cuddled, just won't!!!! So in desperation and in a vain attempt not to completely lose it we got in the car so he could sleep and I could have a moment to remember how adoreable he usually is..

Having driven to Warwick the queue in Starbucks is more than I can cope with so we got back in the car to drive home, via Warwick services north bound where I pick up my much needed skinny cap triple shot fix!! The lengths I'll go to for an hours peace....Lordy!!!

It's done the trick though, he's had a little snooze and I've remembered that I love being a mum!!!

PS saw a car on the motorway advertising a website - colourfulcoffins.com so could be worse, I could have to spend my day flogging a lime green coffin!!!!!! Crickey!!!

A study in motherhood

Number of injections received by the boy: 2

Number of injections received by mum: 0

Number of tears shed by the boy: 3

Number of tears shed by mum: 94,628,234

Technique for calming the boy: cuddle with mum

Technique for calming mum: large skinny cappuccino with an extra shot and a pecan pie

Boy's afternoon activity: happily sleeping in pram

Mum's afternoon activity: searching the house high and low for some chocolate - there must be some somewhere......

Conclusion: Poor little man is a brave solider who has a complete lunatic for a mother!!! 

A whole night's sleep

Saturday night my gorgeous sister and her man looked after the boy while Baldy and I checked into MalMaison, I have been SO excited about this that I've been counting down the non-sleeps until our whole night's sleep!!  Within seconds of entering our hotel room the vino was opened and I had managed to de-stress.  In anticipation of what my Mother in Law called our "orgy" (!!!!) I had bought a new frock, had my nails done and was waxed to within an inch of my life! 

After inhaling my first glass of vino the Baldy does his job, tops up my glass and I decide it is time for me to ready myself for scoffing.  It felt like a date night so thought I'd do a woman of mystery transformation in the bathroom and toddled off to attempt gorgeousness.  Allow me to give you a top dressing tip, when attempting to put on Gok's infamous magic knickers it is best to avoid practically downing 2 LARGE glasses of vino - particularly if your alcohol tolerance isn't what it used to be!!  Despite my self inflicted handicaps I managed to dress and apply make-up without looking too much like someone who has been let out for the day!  Obviously I chose this night to wear my super mega high heels, possibly not the best decision with my light-weight status in mind!!!! 

We make it to the restaurant and have the MOST amazing meal, super yummy scrum!!!  I can highly recommend the Malmasion food - it's delicious!  The wine list is the size of a Booker Prize winning novel so we just ordered the cheapest bottle in there - we're no connoisseurs!  There was only one slight hiccup when I toddled off to the ladies knocking the condiments off a neighbouring table; no, not with my handbag but with the hugeness that is my backside!!!!  Classy!  Not embarrassing at all! 

Having consumed the best part of 2 bottles of wine and with the prospect of a night without responsibilities the Baldy was the recipient of various promises, suggestions and innuendos.  We got back to the room and things started to heat up when the vino, food and sleep deprivation kicked in....resulting in us both snoring soundly in our respective bed halves within moments of our heads hitting the pillow!!!!  So much for a night of passion!  Far more important to get a night of sleep and boy did we sleep.  Ten whole hours of blissful snoozing!!!!  PERFECT!

Skinny Jeans - Friend or Foe?!

I approached last weekend with some apprehension; I had agreed to do all the night feeds on Friday and had a hair appointment on Saturday with a new, never before tried hairdresser - is there anything more nerve recking?!! 

So firstly Friday, after damaging myself beyond repair in Total Body Workout the idea of having to get up endlessly through the night, even if it is to see the most gorgeous boy this side of Colin Firth, did not have me thanking Crunchie!!!!  Of course my boy was absolutely wonderful and only woke twice in the night - 12 and 5.30 and even had a bit of a lie in not waking properly until 8 so that was a tip top start to Saturday!!!  But the biggest worry loomed on the horizon; the new hairdresser experience!  My hairdresser, Louise, is brilliant however she has very selfishly gone on maternity leave and is insisting in stopping at home with her new baby when I need my hair sorting out!  Honestly, you just cannot get the staff these days!!  With some trepidation I set off to Broadway for my appointment with fate, and Deborah whoever she may be..... 2 and half hours later I emerge in a Stars in Your Eyes stylee with new hair which could rival even Jenifer Aniston's!!!!  LOVE it, it's nothing amazing and you could possibly be excused for not noticing but I feel like a new women - and the greys are history! 

Following the success of the morning I decide to plunge into the heady world of Saturday shopping.  Since the dawn of time I have always HATED shopping in town on a Saturday - its just TOO busy and hectic and you have to put up with "computer says no" morons sent purely to irritate and torture the reasonable and rational!!  But, new hair makes you feel as though you can conquer the world so off I go to the metropolis that is Redditch.  I have been considering the wardrobe of a new mum and was keen to be more Denis Van Outen/Danni Minouge than Jeremy Kyle contestant so had in mind some new jeans to wear tucked into flat boots with some kind of long-ish top and belt combo.  In my quest for these seemingly innocent items I entered Next where I made the ludicrous decision to try on some skinny jeans - I realise that many of you will not have associated the word "skinny" with me before but new hair can have an extraordinary effect on a persons perception of themselves!!!!!  I should have know things weren't going to go well when getting the thigh part of the jeans over my dodgy calf was a bit of a mission, but I'm no quitter!!  By the time I had them pulled up to my waist strange things were happening to the jeans - they had gone from looking pretty and inviting on the hanger to resembling something akin to a denim sausage casing - definitely more Jeremy Kyle than yummy mummy!  Having decided that skinny jeans were not actually a friend I attempted to remove them from my person.  At this point they took on the qualities of one of those stupid finger trap things - do you remember them?  The ones where you put a finger in each end and the more you struggle the tighter it gets (this sounds wrong, but you know what I mean!)   What do I do?  How do I get the blinking tings off?  Do I call for the size 4 shop assistant and ask if they have some kind of skinny jeans removal machine?!!!  Or perhaps the fire brigade were more appropriat?!  Why oh why did I ever think of putting these ridiculous jeans on?!!!!  Eventually, after roughly 973 hours, I am free from the jeans!!  ALLELUIA!!!!!

Feeling as though it's probably safer if I just avoid all other clothing stores I head to the safety of Cafe Nero, while on my way there I pass the Orange shop...  and bought myself an iPhone!!!  It was slightly more than the new jeans and boots I was planning to buy but all the wrestling had destroyed my new hair and with my injury in mind not to mention  my traumatic experience in Next I felt as though I deserved a shiny new treat!! 

Too exciting for words!!!!!!

But I'll give it a go..... Am blogging from my iPhone!!!!! I am officially a techno type!!! Wooooo hoooooo check me out baby!!!!! Who knows where this could lead - I might venture into all sorts of unknown technological areas like.....erm......... well, can't really think of any technological areas right now but am sure there are plenty out there just waiting for a whizz like me to turn up!

Operation Yummy Mummy

Has sadly hit a small bump in the road.  Tonight at Total Body Workout I was skipping (!!) when I felt my calf pop!  Now, my calves have done many things; walked the Great Wall of China, danced until dawn in Berlin and spent many hours wandering around the Bull Ring but they have never popped!!!!  Ohhhhhh my word!!!!!!!  It bloomin hurt like something that really REALLY hurts!!!!  Like the hard core exercise fiend I am I managed to continue with the class but I am now hobbling like a new born antelope with the grace of a hippo!!!! 

Tonight I am due to do all the night feeds as part of our quest for a full nights sleep and I'm hoping against hope that the boy will take into account my injury and choose tonight to stay happily in the land of nod, oblivious to his mothers inability to walk!!!

I tell you, exercise is NOT good for you!

Breakthrough!!

Last night we had a break through and the boy SLEPT!!!!  WOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!  What, I hear you ask, can we attribute this momentous occasion to - BodyPump is the answer!  No, I didn't take him to lift weights but a session with the crazy fitness lady followed by a day with the in laws left me sooooo shattered that I just could not stay awake.  So I had a lovely long soak and was in bed by half past 8!!!  At 11.30 the little man woke up to say hello and see how our evening was but when his pops offered him his midnight snack he wasn't all that interested.  At 1.30am it's my turn and the boy is grumbling, I'm lying in bed, about to attempt movement when..... he stops!!!  Now, of course as soon as the monitor goes quiet I imagine doom and disaster, but there is a small part of me wondering if I could just roll over and go back to sleep, eventually the neurotic mother in me takes over and I stagger upstairs with my thighs screaming to see if baby fork is in peril only to find him happily munching on his fingers and chatting away to the ceiling.  Leaving him to his conversation I happily slump back into my bed, he didn't wake up again until half past 5 and then went back to snooze ville after a light breakfast and didn't wake properly until 8.  SO I've basically had a full nights sleep and I am feeling ACE ACE ACE!!!!!  Feel like I could conquer the world today!!  I just hope that BodyCombat has the same effect tonight - I know my body is feeling the same level of discomfort so fingers crossed!