Running Club

In a vain attempt to limit the damage of my endless scoffing I have signed up to a Cancer Research UK Race For Life in July.  I absolutely can NOT diet. It is just not possible for me to deny myself anything, I'm certain that if I was to say "Mellon you are not allowed to eat toenails from now on" that I would then crave toenails to the extent of bingeing on them until I was sick and then hiding the packaging so that my gluttony would not be discovered!!  In light of my complete inability to curb my enthusiasm for food I have decided the only way I am ever going to reach the pinnacle of yummy mummyness will have to involve some kind of exercise.


So last night the unthinkable has happened and I joined an exercise club.  A running club to be exact, well club may be slightly over egging it as there was a grand total of 3 people, including my good self.  Apparently there is usually 5 whole people in this club plus a trainer from the gym but for one reason or another there was just the 3 of us.  I was extremely nervous about going, and although they seemed friendly the very fact that they were discussing something called "the black mountain 25" coupled with their choice attire of running "tights" (is there a more disturbing item of clothing?!) had me more than a little suspicious. 


The leader of the gang was describing the route they were planning to take.  I nodded politely in a "I know where you're talking about" fashion while thinking, that sounds like a hell of a lot of roads; perhaps they are short, cul-de-sac type roads.... I was reassured to hear that tonight was a gentle night as it was a birthday run.  Feeling unsure what a birthday run might entail, but hoping that disturbing as they may be the running tights stay in place I set off!  Not sure if the definition of "gentle" has changed in the last 6 months without my knowledge but I felt fairly sure that Usain Bolt would have struggled to keep pace with us while we "jogged" up what was basically Everest's twin!!!!  The lovely gents I was running with were very enthusiastic and encouraging, chatting away to me and telling me how they both started running.  I tried to respond, you know chat away, make friends, be pleasant but unfortunately my lungs were desperately trying to leave my body directly through my ribcage so I was unable to reveal my sparkling personality and witty repartee...


As we neared the top of Everest I had to stop and walk, I simply could not breath any longer! I persuaded the gents to jog on ahead of me as I felt terrible for holding them up, especially after one of them told me that the only problem with running club was that it doesn't cater for different levels so you get beginners with elite runners and it difficult for everyone to get a good session.  They were very lovely though, running on ahead and then jogging back to me and I felt a little like the owner of two Labradors playing fetch! 


I managed to convince the old pins that we could pick up the pace again and decided that this time I would run at my own speed and that the boys would just have to keep coming back for me, surely that's better for them anyway - doubling the distance they're covering?!!!  I was feeling pretty happy plodding along and noticed ahead of me that they had stopped to talk to a lady jogger; she turned out to be one of the other regulars who had got home late from work and run to catch us up.  She said she couldn't miss out on a birthday jog, feeling rather apprehensive now about what this birthday jog may involve we continued when suddenly they jogged into a pub!!!  Yes a PUB! Brilliant!  A birthday jog involves stopping off for a cheeky pint!!!  Now, this is the sort of exercise club I could become very fond of! 


The guys had a pint, other lady had a half and I had...a glass of water!!!  I was VERY aware that my face could have melted the ice caps and that my hair resembled something akin to Worzel Gummidge but the club were so friendly and lovely that I really enjoyed sitting and getting to know them.  We discussed my fitness and they reassured me that I'd be surprised how quickly I will improve all I need to do is go out 4 or 5 times a week.  Hmmmm 4 or 5 times a week right, I was thinking 3 times max.  When I said this one of the guys said, yeah 3 times is OK to start with but 4/5 times would be better, you only need to go out for half an hour...  Obviously he doesn't have children and therefore has no idea just how long it takes us to actually leave the house.  To go through all that effort, energy and hard work to only be out for half an hour would just be a total waste of a morning's work!!!!!!   


Once we'd finished our drinks I was ready to whip out the local taxi number when one of the boys said "come on then, halfway there"... pardon? halfway there? halfway where?!!!!  Ohhhhhh Lord you want me to start running again, is there something wrong with you?  Luckily the terrain was either flat or down hill so I managed to keep up with my new found fitness buds and we were back in town in no time!


All in all I really enjoyed my session with my new friends and I'm pretty sure I shall be going out with them again next week.  Watch out Paula Radcliffe...

January - an update

So far this month I have NOT
a) been doing my pelvic floor exercises
b) blogged more often - you may have picked up on that one
c) eaten less chocolate or cheese or drunk less coffee
d) filed any post and in fact I found a letter shoved at the back of a drawer yesterday on which I had written "urgent, deal with this, do not ignore"!!!

So far this month I HAVE

a) Got so completely and utterly hammered at The Noo's birthday party that I had to be taken home!  When I did get home I just headed up to bed and got in - fully dressed, including boots.  Poor husband had to disrobe me and not in a sexy weyhey manner but in a wrestling a wet watermelon manner, especially when he got to the tights removal stage!  The next day I was a sure fire winner of Kerry Katona's "mother of the year" award as I was sooooo horribly hungover I couldn't even pick the boy up due to the sickiness, the spinniness and the shakes.  My lovely wonderful baldy looked after our gorgeous boy all day, and let me go back to bed to sleep off the vino.  What a disgrace!! 

b) Finally cashed the boy's Child Trust Fund cheque.  The man in the bank obviously thought I was a complete and total fraud as I couldn't remember my previous address, or any details of any other financial dealing we have (no, I don't know what type of mortgage we have, or when the insurance is due or whether or not our life assurance has "family protection".  Yes, I know I should know all of this) and when I told him I was a teacher he asked which school and unfortunately I had to then explain that actually I've only done my degree and haven't actually done any actual teaching in an actual school yet!!  So all in all, I was there for an hour and probably answered 2 questions accurately - my name, the boy's name, both of which were written down on the letter from the government anyway!!

c) Introduced myself to my new neighbours.  I popped round with some home made shortbread and when they invited me in (how friendly) the little girl took out one of my biscuits, took a bite, pulled a face and then put it back into the tin!  Haven't seen them since......

So, we are drawing a line under January and marking it up to some kind of New Year blip.  February, that's where the action is, February, that's where real people take up New Year challenges, just as all those others are wimping out of theirs.  February, yes February! It's the new January - everyone knows that!!!!  Yes, yes, I realise we're ever so slightly half way through February but as they say - better late than never!